The Never Ending
>.< -_- :D (: ^.^ D: ): >:D xD ):< (x Dx
I did not ditch Tumblr. I can’t. It’s like my very own personal little place where I get to say whatever I want to say and nobody cares. Because even if they are reading it, they don’t find it important. And why should they? It’s not important. Nothing really is.
So finally school ended. Honestly, I thought it was going to be a more exiting day. At least I don’t have to see a text book for the next three months…
But either way, I think I grasped a concept today. When some idiots say that they don’t want to live anymore, they don’t necessarily have to do it for attention. Sometimes life is simply depressing, boring, long, monotone, or just plain stupid. So you seriously have to stop and think: Can I just die and get it over with?
Today I also grasped the concept of being alone once again.
Honestly, I feel like a big fat piece of shit. So I tell people that I don’t like to lie. Truth is, I may not lie to my friends, but I do lie to my parents, something I realized today. I do it unconsciously too. It’s not like I super lie all the time. It’s just that I like to have my own little private stuff. Kid #2 was compared to a cocoon. But maybe the cocoon is Kid #1.And it’s funny because I am a total pushover when it comes to friends. I can keep their secrets, but I can’t keep my own. Pathetic.
Today the same thing that hits me all the time hit me yet again. My brother may be a little more special to some people than I will ever get to be. I personally don’t really care. People can like each other and anything all they want, as long as it doesn’t involve me. But what brought this up is the whole parent talk thing.
Now I really don’t like parent talks. You have to sit or stand very still and quietly listen to things you don’t really want to hear. In this particular chat, I like to be independent, and I will have a chance to prove my independence skills. Oh joy. Something around these lines was said: I don’t like to depend on others. I don’t like people to help me. I don’t let myself be loved. And why should I? So that the next day those same people who loved you can turn around and leave? Please, I have had enough of the whole best friend, or just friends thing. And I am not going to say that I have been through a lot because I have not been through anything, but I will say that as of right now, at this hour, there are many things of my life that I would like to change. Or maybe just not my life, more like myself. My stingy, selfish, mercurial, egotistical, ridiculous self.
That was a nice sentence for all of those who thought that I don’t have self esteem issues, wasn’t it? All the nice things people secretly tell themselves… All the nice little ways in which we put ourselves down. And who is the one to tell us that we are wrong? Does that person even exist?
I will miss my little grupito. I will miss them especially because some of them hurt me unconsciously. And even if some people think that there is no reason to be hurt, I do find the reason, and I am hurt. So I am hoping I can cope with disappointment somewhere off in the coasts of Colombia and move on.
Because when I get back to my cave I will hide under my rock and part from those who I think don’t want to be with me. From those I think find me annoying. From those I love enough to understand their feelings and move on. From those I love enough to not want to move on.
Oh, what a wonderful day. The best part is that I know that someone will read this and will move on with their life. They won’t ask what’s wrong. They won’t try to help. And that, I guess, is actually good, because maybe I don’t want them to help, and maybe, or maybe not, I want to be left all alone so that I can have another chance to show just how independent I am. The art of been alone….
Life is a bitch.
Dude we all get it. Life fucking sucks >.< There is no need to be alone because everyone needs at least one person by their side. As long as you don’t do anything fucked up bitch I’ll be there for you when i can xD Life is pretty boring and we all feel like giving up sometimes but c’mon by now you know better. There’s no point in killing yourself lol. There’s so much more to life (: I don’t think many people in this world will ever grasp the concept of being truly alone btw. The reason being is that there will always be others in this world, we will always have connections with other people. When we are alone it is by our own choice because there will always be people around yo! The whole brother thing, well yeah you are your own person and doesn’t matter if he seems better than you because someone will always surpass you. I understand that you want your parents to leave you the fuck alone but that’s just them caring about you and well being parents. Parents are bitches that is their thing >.< The person that you mentioned to prove us wrong only exists within ourselves unfortunatley. I will ask what’s wrong contrary to what you have to say. And i WILL help with whatever i can because beleive or not there are some that care. Although independence is an art that we all have to learn at one point or another in our lives because at one point there might not be someone there to catch us when we fall but for now… :D You are young. Enjoy life to the fullest homie.
